I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
