I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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