I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
