He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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