just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
