8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
