i was born a porn star she said
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
