so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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