that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
