And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
