There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize