I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
