i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
