Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
