the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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