we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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