but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
