I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
