y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
