You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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