dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
