At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
