i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize