that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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