Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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