I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
