Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
