so explain again why im purple
no
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
