i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
