i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
