I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
