He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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