You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
