I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
