i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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