He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
