3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
