When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
