this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
