Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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