I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
