the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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