There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
