i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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