i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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