I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
