my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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