watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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