hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
