You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
