I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
