I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
