I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You are a genius and a whore.
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