haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
