Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize