can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
