Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
