For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
