Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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