In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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