you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
