Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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