if only i could text you this smell
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
