i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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