Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How external is "for external use only"?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i now understand why vodka
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
