My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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