He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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