Ambien. No doubt about it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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