we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
