By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
