At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
